This guest post is from the brilliant Kaveh Mousavi, who is closeted in Iran. You can find his work over at his Freethought Blog, On The Margin of Error. He submitted this to me a couple of weeks ago, but I have sinned in my delay in posting new submissions. This the first in the Ramadan series, with more Ramadan posts to follow, and you can find them all with the #haramadan tag. I apologize for the delays. I have been swamped. I bow in penance.
101 Sins I Commit During the World Cup and Ramadan Just in One Day
1) I eat.
2) I drink.
3) I smoke weed.
4) I masturbate.
5) I have sex (if I can get some).
6) I don’t cheer for the Iranian national team.
7) I’m secretly happy that Iran’s team lost.
8) I feel disgusted at people’s zeal over football. There’s one thing to enjoy a sport, there’s another thing to treat it as more important than any event in the world.
9) I secretly laugh at football players praying.
10) I secretly want to slap every doctor who comes on TV and says “fasting is good for you”.
11) I abhor the fact that people seem to eat more not less.
12) I secretly want to slap every person who says “if you eat in front of me it’s a violation of my rights”.
13) I abhor walking in the streets. Everywhere you see more and more signs of religion.
14) I abhor the fact that people who fast think they have a right to be assholes.
15) I notice the fact that food becomes scarce in this supposed month of hunger and patience.
16) I abhor the fact that I have to justify the fact that I’m not fasting to every fucking religious person.
17) Speaking of fuck, I curse.
18) I lie. I lie about who I am, and sometimes the fact that I fast. That’s a sin.
19) I am a hypocrite.
20) Blasphemy. Fuck loads of blasphemy.
21) I don’t pray for people when they ask me to.
22) I think it’s stupid that they call this month “God’s feast”.
23) Every time that someone says “We’re proud of our national team” I’m certain I’m one step closer to becoming a serial killer.
24) I listen to Satanic music.
25) I use the opportunities provided by arguing over fasting to try and deconvert people.
26) I try to convince Muslims not to fast.
27) I don’t feel nationalistic.
28) I don’t feel one with my people. Actually I feel more alienated.
29) I feel angry at a god who isn’t there.
30) I feel angry at people who are there.
31) I hate Islam more than usual.
32) The spiritual speeches are revolting to me.
33) I continue being an atheist.
34) I drink alcohol.
35) I touch dogs.
36) I touch atheists. Myself included.
37) I laugh at the hyperbolic awards Allah grants those who fast. You’d get into heaven if you fast this month even if you’ve committed genocide, apparently.
38) I don’t know what to say to Muslims who complain of stomach problems during this month.
39) Muslims are especially sensitive about their religion this month, and I’m especially insensitive.
40) I look at the hairs of women.
41) I look at their flesh too. Like, forearms.
42) I would look at their naked bodies too, if they wanted to show.
43) I think sinful thoughts.
44) I watch porn.
45) I write. My writings are 101 sins in themselves.
46) I feel suffocated with every “happy Ramadan” I receive.
47) I have no fucking idea why Muslims are so hostile and defensive this month. I wonder if they are aware of the stupidity of their display.
48) I think “Fuck all the western media and their entertained exotic coverage of this absurd month”.
49) I think “Fuck my culture.”
50) I wish Allah had forbid shitting during day as well as eating and drinking and cumming and inhaling smoke.
51) I enjoy the candies though. They’re the good part.
52) I don’t like Star Wars. That’s a nerd sin and not a Muslim sin, but a sin nevertheless.
53) I read the Koran again. The only catharsis is mocking the book.
54) I laugh aloud.
55) Sometimes I cry.
56) When the time for Iftar comes I feel sad and alone, excluded from all the happiness it brings along.
57) I laugh at clergies who go to the rooftop to spot the moon. Use calendars, fuckers.
58) Seriously, there’s an official “moon spotting agency”. I laugh at that.
59) People help charity more during this months and I think that’s not worth shit.
60) A liberal sin: I somehow agree with Anne Coulter. I think our attitude towards football is a sign of our moral decay.
61) People are so desperate for happiness; they use even our loss to Argentina as an opportunity to be happy. I don’t feel happy.
62) We are a sad nation pretending to laugh and smile. I don’t pretend.
63) I think of all the political prisoners. Are they fasting too?
64) An atheist sin: When people pray for political prisoners and wish them a happy Ramadan, I wish I could join them, I really wish I could.
65) The sound of Koran doesn’t sooth me.
66) During this month I’m a bundle of contradictions and I don’t give a fuck.
67) I think One Direction is an underrated band.
68) I’m not proud to be Iranian.
69) Work days are shortened, economy is further fucked, and I really think this fucking month is not worth it.
70) I find the way journalists treat football pathetic. Fanboys and Fangirls.
71) I think TV shows made for Ramadan are more horrible than syphilis.
72) The chief entertainment of me and my atheist friends is mocking this month.
73) Restaurants and coffee shops are forced to close. I think that’s stupid.
74) There was this clergy who was asked a question by a man. The man said I can’t fast because it distracts me from studying for my exams. The clergy offered him to travel the whole months because those traveling do not have to fast. I sinned just by listening to this crap.
75) It’s true that celebrating Eid is as cultural as it is religious. It’s also true that I equally hate the culture.
76) I had this friend who fasted during Eid, the only day that Muslims are not allowed to fast. I admire him although what he did is basically silly.
77) I can’t think of one good thing about this month. (Except candies).
78) Whenever I can I don’t pretend I’m fasting, and I enjoy it when this upsets Muslims.
79) No other time I’m so intimately aware that I don’t belong. A Diaspora at home.
80) I want to think of one thing I can hold to and I can think of none.
81) Many Muslims don’t fast. Even they assume I do, and I resent that.
82) At Eid I can’t think of something to celebrate.
83) I want to say “fuck you” to Non-Muslims who show interest in knowing about Ramadan. That’s seriously not nice. I shouldn’t feel that way.
84) I’m not really a nice person this month. I don’t like myself as an atheist even.
85) I’m happy that this month will pass soon.
86) Did you know that the days are longer at this time of year so fasting is harder? I am amused by this fact.
87) How would Muslim astronauts fast? I wonder about that.
88) I don’t respect their religion.
89) There’s no way I can find it in me to respect Ramadan as a custom of a proud people.
90) I wish I could eat pork.
91) I acknowledge the fact that our national team sucks.
92) Like it sucks so hard it completely deserved the result it got.
93) World Cup and Ramadan – a combo of alienation for me.
94) But I wonder – is alienation really so bad?
95) I actually feel proud – at least I thought for myself.
96) The list form is an internet sin, right?
97) This distorted digressive list is a good representation of my mind.
98) At heart, I’m much less charitable that I am in rational arguments.
99) But oh – let the people mention the Green Movement, and I feel I’m one of them again.
100) Against all odds I still hope. Isn’t hope a sin?
101) I am sinner. A sinner is who I am. It is my identity.
I will have sinned at least 3030 times by the time this month has ended.
See you all in Hell, my human friends.